Dear Elyse,
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were watching the vice presidential debate. I quickly discovered that he is on the opposite side of the political spectrum as I am. He is an ardent Romney supporter because he doesn't want to pay higher taxes and blames Obama for the rising gas prices. I'm not sure what to do. I am a staunch Democrat and could never bring myself to pull the Republican lever because of the Republicans stance on abortion. Do you think I should simply keep my mouth shut and turn the discuss elsewhere when politics come up or do you think I should try to convert him into an Obama voter?
Yours,
Polarized Love
Dear Polarized Love,
I think the most important thing for your to evaluate is the morals and values that are driving your boyfriend to vote the way he does. If you feel that your boyfriend's political preferences reveal negative aspects of his persona than you may want to reconsider the relationship. If you feel that your boyfriend is a good person who simply believes there are different ways to achieve a better country than you do than you shouldn't act on it. Now, in terms of watching the debate together tomorrow - think about if you want to just avoid confrontation or ... perhaps you can use arguing to fuel passion.
Yours,
Elyse
My column
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Need a commitment
Dear Elyse,
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We see each other twice a week and he calls me every night. I'd like to see him more often and talk to him about moving in together. I'd also like to meet his parents and have some assurance that we have a future together. However, every time I flirt with the topic, he just makes a face and changes the subject. Ditch or not?
Yours,
Ready to be committed if I don't get a commitment
Dear Ready to be Committed if I don't get a Commitment,
Here is my take charge plan of action for you. First of all, friend all of his relatives on Facebook and send them messages telling them that you are a wonderful person and want to be the mother of his children. Then, purchase tickets for Thanksgiving to visit his family and tell him that you thus have to attend the family holiday dinner. Also, siege his keys and make copies of the keys and tell him that you are moving in because your lease expired. Ok, I hope that (1) you don't implement this plan. (2) you don't report me to the stalking bureau. Now here is my grave, serious advice. You need to think about exactly how much of a commitment you would like. How long before your would like to move in with him? How long before you meet his relatives? Get married? Do you need a promise of marriage or just a lifelong commitment? Do you just want to see him more often? After you have thought about what you exactly need from him then decide what your non negotiable elements are and how you will respond if he refuses to give you these. Then, have an honest discussion with him where you tell him your request. It is important to frame the request in a non-threatening yet firm manner. Also, it is important to somehow work into the discussion how his making a commitment will benefit him. A lot of men haven't even thought about commitment and will not ever bring up the subject matter unless you initiate the discussion. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We see each other twice a week and he calls me every night. I'd like to see him more often and talk to him about moving in together. I'd also like to meet his parents and have some assurance that we have a future together. However, every time I flirt with the topic, he just makes a face and changes the subject. Ditch or not?
Yours,
Ready to be committed if I don't get a commitment
Dear Ready to be Committed if I don't get a Commitment,
Here is my take charge plan of action for you. First of all, friend all of his relatives on Facebook and send them messages telling them that you are a wonderful person and want to be the mother of his children. Then, purchase tickets for Thanksgiving to visit his family and tell him that you thus have to attend the family holiday dinner. Also, siege his keys and make copies of the keys and tell him that you are moving in because your lease expired. Ok, I hope that (1) you don't implement this plan. (2) you don't report me to the stalking bureau. Now here is my grave, serious advice. You need to think about exactly how much of a commitment you would like. How long before your would like to move in with him? How long before you meet his relatives? Get married? Do you need a promise of marriage or just a lifelong commitment? Do you just want to see him more often? After you have thought about what you exactly need from him then decide what your non negotiable elements are and how you will respond if he refuses to give you these. Then, have an honest discussion with him where you tell him your request. It is important to frame the request in a non-threatening yet firm manner. Also, it is important to somehow work into the discussion how his making a commitment will benefit him. A lot of men haven't even thought about commitment and will not ever bring up the subject matter unless you initiate the discussion. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
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