Dear Elyse,
I'm a member of a triad. In other words, my boyfriend is dating me and anther woman. We all live together and do many activities jointly. He alternates who he sleeps with each night. The three of us are going to my family for the holidays and I'm wondering how I should explain our relationship to them.
Yours,
Triad member
Dear Triad Member,
Your arrangement is a unique format that is constantly being altered and explored. Props to you for being adventurous. How about telling your relatives that you are part of a social experiment sponsored by a University Research Group and trying something new and then tell them the details of your configuration as you know them? Or better yet, simply tell them that you are in a unique situation and while it may seem incomprehensible to them it keeps you satisfied. Explain them to why it works for you. Explain to them that you are not asking for their approval just their acknowledgement. Also if they have questions, let them know that you are happy to entertain the questions as long as they are asked in a non hostile manner. Be prepared with websites that offer information about this, if you feel it gets hostile or you feel that you are at a loss for how to answer them. Good luck! Remember there are plenty of movies playing on Christmas Day if the discussion gets too heated for your taste. And keep being a pioneer.
Yours,
Elyse
My column
Friday, December 21, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Standing ovation
Dear Elyse,
My boyfriend is an aspiring actor. I have seen him perform and he is absolutely deplorable. In fact, I almost want to leave and hide in the bathroom he is so darn awful. He always asks me, "How did I do?" Should I be honest. Yours,
The Inevitable Thumbs Down
Dear The Inevitable Thumbs Down,
I guess you should either make friends with the toilet paper or tell him how bad he is and then book an express flight out of the country and join the witness protection program. Or how about a more feasible solution? Actors are a very sensitive breed. For most of their career, they will endure rejection.Some are better at handling it than others. You are not a casting director, an agent, a director, or an acting teacher. Therefore, it is not your duty to criticize your boyfriend's acting skills. In addition, while you may have your own preferences, you are not trained in judging actors. Therefore, I suggest not sharing your assessment with your boyfriend. If he lacks talent, there are plenty of people present who will tell him. Instead, find one small aspect of your boyfriend's acting that was semi- passable and tell him that you liked that. Or tell him a general quality about the show that you enjoyed. Be encouraging but genuine. If the underlying issue is that you don't respect your boyfriend, delve deeper. See if there other qualities about your boyfriend that you admire. If not .....
Yours,
Elyse
My boyfriend is an aspiring actor. I have seen him perform and he is absolutely deplorable. In fact, I almost want to leave and hide in the bathroom he is so darn awful. He always asks me, "How did I do?" Should I be honest. Yours,
The Inevitable Thumbs Down
Dear The Inevitable Thumbs Down,
I guess you should either make friends with the toilet paper or tell him how bad he is and then book an express flight out of the country and join the witness protection program. Or how about a more feasible solution? Actors are a very sensitive breed. For most of their career, they will endure rejection.Some are better at handling it than others. You are not a casting director, an agent, a director, or an acting teacher. Therefore, it is not your duty to criticize your boyfriend's acting skills. In addition, while you may have your own preferences, you are not trained in judging actors. Therefore, I suggest not sharing your assessment with your boyfriend. If he lacks talent, there are plenty of people present who will tell him. Instead, find one small aspect of your boyfriend's acting that was semi- passable and tell him that you liked that. Or tell him a general quality about the show that you enjoyed. Be encouraging but genuine. If the underlying issue is that you don't respect your boyfriend, delve deeper. See if there other qualities about your boyfriend that you admire. If not .....
Yours,
Elyse
Ask the guys
As promised, I am posting the Ask Guys findings. The question I asked for Ask The Guys was something that I'm sure burns in all you single gals minds. What makes a girl someone who is beyond a hookup girl and an actual girlfriend. Here are some surprising answers. (1) Manners. Be polite and courteous if you want to make it past the first month. (2) Stability (3) Not wearing a skirt or extremely revealing clothing. (4) Don't sleep with the guy until after two weeks. (5) The girl who you can take home to mom. Well- I guess it take more than just having a hot barbie doll body and an endearing personality to build a long term relationship.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Communication
Dear Elyse,
My girlfriend never seems to want to have sex with me. Yet, the other night I found her pleasuring herself. Clearly she has some sexual desire. But not a desire for me? What am I doing wrong?
Yours,
Sexless
Dear Sexless,
May I suggest something totally radical: ask her what she wants. Perhaps she never wants to have sex with you because what you offer her doesn't satisfy her. Now, I'm not suggesting that you don't get what you want- I'm not a sadist or anything. But perhaps for now sex needs to be a two act play. Act one : her. Act two: you. Eventually you may be able to merge the two acts into one but for now stick with two acts.
Yours,
Elyse
My girlfriend never seems to want to have sex with me. Yet, the other night I found her pleasuring herself. Clearly she has some sexual desire. But not a desire for me? What am I doing wrong?
Yours,
Sexless
Dear Sexless,
May I suggest something totally radical: ask her what she wants. Perhaps she never wants to have sex with you because what you offer her doesn't satisfy her. Now, I'm not suggesting that you don't get what you want- I'm not a sadist or anything. But perhaps for now sex needs to be a two act play. Act one : her. Act two: you. Eventually you may be able to merge the two acts into one but for now stick with two acts.
Yours,
Elyse
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)