What being picky is not
If you are single, you have probably heard the old adage, " don't be too picky". Well I'm here to tell you how the message about not being picky can be misinterpreted and harmful if taken the wrong way. My grandmother is a very critical woman. She tends to rip everyone apart. Instead of being appalled by her extreme critique. I was able to gain from her, qualities that I should look for in partners and friends. Some qualities are being fit, well educated, friendly, politically savvy and having a sense of humor. I've ford a few guys who almost meet all of the criteria but then ...of course she'll discover that they either aren't Jewish or are a Republican and she'll go ape shod. So, believe me, I understand that it isn't possible to find a mate who meets every item on your checklist and when looking for a mate you have to prioritize the traits that you find most important. But there are times when we can take the notion of “not being picky” too far. Here are some things that not being picky shouldn't mean to you.
Not being picky shouldn’t mean pursuing someone just because they are ugly, Um ok, who said that just because some is repulsive looking they are going to be a good friend and lover to you. They might be bitter that they haven't had a mate in years or they might be very jealous. So while I don't advocate only going after Adonis is like men I also don't advocate going for someone just because you think they are a sure thing due to lack of good looks. Also, don't assume that because someone is attractive to you they are out of your reach and you shouldn't go for them because you are "not being picky". As a rule of thumb you shouldn't have to get drunk to be able to have sex with your partner.
Not being picky shouldn't mean just accepting someone solely because they desire you, I know there are times when you feel lonely and feel as though no one will ever like you or you feel that you just want company but seeing someone just because they like you is not productive. Think about if there are any other qualities you like about the person besides the fact that they crave you. Run for the hills if you can’t find any other qualities you like about the person. I was at a point here I had hit rock bottom. I wasn't doing well in my career; I was suffering from the side effects of being mis prescribed on anti anxiety depressant and a mood stabilizer. I had gained 10 pounds and felt un sexy. And in the midst of all this, there was a guy who asked me on a date. I was so desperate for companionship and sympathy that I accepted his offer. And it went from bad to worse. The guy invited me to his apartment, which should have been a warning sign. Then we went to the rooftop and he didn't even have dinner peppered he only had wine and stale croutons. Then we listened to music and had laborious conversation, which was partly because my brain was dulled by the meds. Then he suggested we take the date downstairs and went into his bedroom. Obviously, you know what happened next, one thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex. I requested that he use a condom and he bitched about it. Then he said, “ Do you really think I want kids”, which made me feel like shit. We had sex and it was awkward. I barely could move, I was so dulled and I just lay there while he uttered "what a cutie". Then after he finished we debated whether or not I would leave and exchanged awkward pleasantries. And I left feeling like garbage. I felt like I was solely a physical object. Looking back on it if I had a strong desire for companionship or company, I should have called a good friend and invited myself over. Then, a few weeks later, I came out of my fog and helped a friend pack up her house. It was wonderful. Exhilarating. I left full of life, relieved, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Now I realize that seeking out a physical, enjoyable activity with a friend would have been a much better cure for my depressed state than having sex with a strange guy especially since I wasn't at a point where I wanted to be intimate. I didn't realize that it was my right to seek out happiness because I loathed myself.
Don’t just accept someone because you are desperate. Realize it's your right to heal yourself.
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