Dear Elyse,
I have a friend who has the habit of always interjecting her opinion and advice into conversation. Sometimes she even preaches about subjects which she has no expertise. When I try to change the subject, she can't take the hint and keeps chattering on. Whenever I disagree with her, she responds with such disdain that is nauseates me. I don't want to ruin our friendship but ...
Yours,
Suffering through an opinionated friend
Dear Suffering through an opinionated friend,
My suggestion is so simple; you'll be shocked when you hear it. Agree with her. Every time she makes a suggestion, even if it is something you detest just agree with her. Be a broken record. Echo the sentiment, you are probably right, anytime she utters advice. Even pepper your responses with , I'll try it, I'll take that under advisement. Your friend will loose her mojo when she sees that she doesn't have any opposition. Opinionated people like her crave reactions. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
My column
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Defamed on Facebook
Dear Elyse,
My girlfriend has the annoying habit of posting about our fights on Facebook. She encourages her friends to comment on the fights. I am often shocked to see her comments as I had no idea about her litany of complaints. I am uncomfortable with so many people seeing me as the bad guy. How can I put a stop to this?
Yours,
Defamed on Facebook
Dear Defamed on Facebook,
First of all, let me express my empathy for your situation. It is never pleasant to be humiliated in front of a wide audience like Facebook. I presume you are a Facebook user yourself. Which means that you have the ability to defend yourself when your girlfriend attacks you. Stop being a wimp and reply to her judgmental comments, let her know that you aren't going to be slandered without a fight.
It may be that your girlfriend is someone who takes pleasure in exposing other people's flaws. Another possibility is that she feels uncomfortable telling you directly about any beef she has with you. Try to look for subtle clues that your girlfriend is trying to bring up misgivings. Some cues include saying "fine" in an indignant tone, stomping off after an encounter ends, rolling her eyes, and such. Instead of saying is anything wrong, try to approach her in a more open ended manner by saying phrases like, "Tell me about your day or tell me about what is bothering you." Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
My girlfriend has the annoying habit of posting about our fights on Facebook. She encourages her friends to comment on the fights. I am often shocked to see her comments as I had no idea about her litany of complaints. I am uncomfortable with so many people seeing me as the bad guy. How can I put a stop to this?
Yours,
Defamed on Facebook
Dear Defamed on Facebook,
First of all, let me express my empathy for your situation. It is never pleasant to be humiliated in front of a wide audience like Facebook. I presume you are a Facebook user yourself. Which means that you have the ability to defend yourself when your girlfriend attacks you. Stop being a wimp and reply to her judgmental comments, let her know that you aren't going to be slandered without a fight.
It may be that your girlfriend is someone who takes pleasure in exposing other people's flaws. Another possibility is that she feels uncomfortable telling you directly about any beef she has with you. Try to look for subtle clues that your girlfriend is trying to bring up misgivings. Some cues include saying "fine" in an indignant tone, stomping off after an encounter ends, rolling her eyes, and such. Instead of saying is anything wrong, try to approach her in a more open ended manner by saying phrases like, "Tell me about your day or tell me about what is bothering you." Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Break up dos and don't s
Dear Elyse,
I'm currently dating someone and it isn't going well. He adores me and thinks that the relationship is perfect. I'd like to break up with him but the task of ending the relationship is harrowing. How should I approach it?
Yours,
Not Knowing How to Break up
Dear Not Knowing How to Break up,
First we'll start of with some ways not to break up.
(1) Change your Facebook status to in a relationship with a different person or single and hope that he'll get the hint.
(2) Send him a text that it is over or better yet have another guy send him a text that it is over.
(3) Stop returning his calls, emails and texts and eventually hope that he gets the hint.
(4) Arrange for a mutual friend to let it slip causally that you have a new boyfriend.
Just for the record these were tactics used by people who shall remain nameless.
Now for the ways that are less shell-shocking and heartless.
(1) Treat him to a dinner at a plush restaurant. Explain to him that you find him to be a very nice man with so many outstanding qualities ( up to you to determine what these qualities are). Tell him that you are sure he will make a good partner to someone one of these days. Now ... drumroll ... how come you aren't going to remain his partner? It is up to you which exit strategy you choose to employ. Here are a few suggestions. (1) You have discovered you are a lesbian. (2) You have determined that you would rather focus on yourself and improving yourself rather than be in a relationship. (3) You are going to be traveling abroad or accepting a new job that demands all of your time and can't possible be the awesome partner that he rightfully deserves.
It is most important that you honor him for everything he is and has done for you in the relationship before telling him that it is over. This will lessen the effect of the crushing news that you are about to deliver to him. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
I'm currently dating someone and it isn't going well. He adores me and thinks that the relationship is perfect. I'd like to break up with him but the task of ending the relationship is harrowing. How should I approach it?
Yours,
Not Knowing How to Break up
Dear Not Knowing How to Break up,
First we'll start of with some ways not to break up.
(1) Change your Facebook status to in a relationship with a different person or single and hope that he'll get the hint.
(2) Send him a text that it is over or better yet have another guy send him a text that it is over.
(3) Stop returning his calls, emails and texts and eventually hope that he gets the hint.
(4) Arrange for a mutual friend to let it slip causally that you have a new boyfriend.
Just for the record these were tactics used by people who shall remain nameless.
Now for the ways that are less shell-shocking and heartless.
(1) Treat him to a dinner at a plush restaurant. Explain to him that you find him to be a very nice man with so many outstanding qualities ( up to you to determine what these qualities are). Tell him that you are sure he will make a good partner to someone one of these days. Now ... drumroll ... how come you aren't going to remain his partner? It is up to you which exit strategy you choose to employ. Here are a few suggestions. (1) You have discovered you are a lesbian. (2) You have determined that you would rather focus on yourself and improving yourself rather than be in a relationship. (3) You are going to be traveling abroad or accepting a new job that demands all of your time and can't possible be the awesome partner that he rightfully deserves.
It is most important that you honor him for everything he is and has done for you in the relationship before telling him that it is over. This will lessen the effect of the crushing news that you are about to deliver to him. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Dear Elyse,
I currently work full time in a corporate setting-3 days a week in the office and two days a week from home- and my husband is a stay at home dad for our school aged daughters. I'm looking to transfer to a job that offers more security but will require me to work all 5 days in the office. In addition, my husband has just confessed to me that he is extremely dissatisfied with his life and is looking to accept a full time job. Please help!
Yours,
Pulled in all directions
Dear Pulled in all directions,
You did say school- aged right? Which means that for the majority of the day your kids are accounted for by our esteemed school system. I would suggest having a trial period where you accept the 5 day a week job and your husband accepts the full time job. See if on every day of the week you or your husband can be home by 6 so you only need about 3 hours of either childcare of activities for your children. This may be a positive change for your children as it will force them to develop independence and learn to adjust to many different kinds of people. Also you and your husband are likely to be happier if you have a more secure job and your husband is more fulfilled. Your kids will relate to you better if they say you in a more positive state.
Yours,
Elyse
I currently work full time in a corporate setting-3 days a week in the office and two days a week from home- and my husband is a stay at home dad for our school aged daughters. I'm looking to transfer to a job that offers more security but will require me to work all 5 days in the office. In addition, my husband has just confessed to me that he is extremely dissatisfied with his life and is looking to accept a full time job. Please help!
Yours,
Pulled in all directions
Dear Pulled in all directions,
You did say school- aged right? Which means that for the majority of the day your kids are accounted for by our esteemed school system. I would suggest having a trial period where you accept the 5 day a week job and your husband accepts the full time job. See if on every day of the week you or your husband can be home by 6 so you only need about 3 hours of either childcare of activities for your children. This may be a positive change for your children as it will force them to develop independence and learn to adjust to many different kinds of people. Also you and your husband are likely to be happier if you have a more secure job and your husband is more fulfilled. Your kids will relate to you better if they say you in a more positive state.
Yours,
Elyse
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Dear Elyse,
After the Hurricane, I contracted a friend to do some repairs on my house. He gave me a quote and then did some work. It took him far more time to do the work then I anticipated. Then he gave me a bill that was for more than what he quoted. What should I do now?
Yours,
Surprise Bill
Dear Surprise Bill,
Yikes! No one wants a surprise bill especially if its much more expensive than we anticipated. You shouldn't treat this situation any differently than if it were a random stranger who gave you a surprise bill. Make the money sucker justify such an increase. Remind them that they quoted you a lower number and ask them what factors contributed to the raise in price. Be careful to make sure that your tone is just an inquiring one not an accusatory one as a friend is more likely to take it personally if you accuse them of fraud. If you find it difficult to confront them, then send them a letter or an email.
Yours,
Elyse
After the Hurricane, I contracted a friend to do some repairs on my house. He gave me a quote and then did some work. It took him far more time to do the work then I anticipated. Then he gave me a bill that was for more than what he quoted. What should I do now?
Yours,
Surprise Bill
Dear Surprise Bill,
Yikes! No one wants a surprise bill especially if its much more expensive than we anticipated. You shouldn't treat this situation any differently than if it were a random stranger who gave you a surprise bill. Make the money sucker justify such an increase. Remind them that they quoted you a lower number and ask them what factors contributed to the raise in price. Be careful to make sure that your tone is just an inquiring one not an accusatory one as a friend is more likely to take it personally if you accuse them of fraud. If you find it difficult to confront them, then send them a letter or an email.
Yours,
Elyse
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Free access to hot dates
Dear Elyse,
I work as a recruiter. Sometimes, I look at the resumes on file and think that applicants would make a great mate. Is it ok for me to contact them for a date?
Yours,
Have My Hands on Hot Dates
Dear Have My Hands on Hot Dates,
Sure- give all these random hotties a call. In fact, bombard them with daily emails of pictures of yourself, and even stop by their house with flowers. Okay, I hope you have enough intelligence not to take this advice seriously. No, it is not advisable to pursue these people on a date. Would you like it if you signed up a newsletter on pet advice and then received a credit card? This is a similar scenario. These recruits didn't sign up to find a soulmate, they signed up to find a job. You don't even know if they are single. And by the way-what about their resume makes you think that they would be a good mate? I didn't realize that a degree from x university or a certificate in x skill makes for a soulmate. Nothing in a resume hints at someone's inner traits which is what we should be looking for in a mate.
However, if you are so inclined to use your job for locating suitable dates, you can under these circumstances. If you interview someone for a job because you intended to interview them ( they were suitable for the position you were recruiting for), you may pursue them after they have been placed in a job. Otherwise, it will look like there was favoritism involved and you may loose your position. And then you may end up dateless and jobless. Good luck with your search for a date.
Yours,
Elyse.
I work as a recruiter. Sometimes, I look at the resumes on file and think that applicants would make a great mate. Is it ok for me to contact them for a date?
Yours,
Have My Hands on Hot Dates
Dear Have My Hands on Hot Dates,
Sure- give all these random hotties a call. In fact, bombard them with daily emails of pictures of yourself, and even stop by their house with flowers. Okay, I hope you have enough intelligence not to take this advice seriously. No, it is not advisable to pursue these people on a date. Would you like it if you signed up a newsletter on pet advice and then received a credit card? This is a similar scenario. These recruits didn't sign up to find a soulmate, they signed up to find a job. You don't even know if they are single. And by the way-what about their resume makes you think that they would be a good mate? I didn't realize that a degree from x university or a certificate in x skill makes for a soulmate. Nothing in a resume hints at someone's inner traits which is what we should be looking for in a mate.
However, if you are so inclined to use your job for locating suitable dates, you can under these circumstances. If you interview someone for a job because you intended to interview them ( they were suitable for the position you were recruiting for), you may pursue them after they have been placed in a job. Otherwise, it will look like there was favoritism involved and you may loose your position. And then you may end up dateless and jobless. Good luck with your search for a date.
Yours,
Elyse.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Sexless
This quote was sent in from one of our readers. Let's keep the letters coming!
Dear Elyse,
I am with a 22 year old and my gf is 18. She refuses to have sex with me When I try to put it in, she freaks out. What can I do to get her to have sex with me?
Yours,
Dying sexless
Dear Dying Sexless,
You have a couple of options. One you can hypnotize your girlfriend into having sex with you. You can also sedate her and then have sex with her. Of course, if you want the relationship to continue I wouldn't recommend these tactics. Instead, i recommend asking your girlfriend how the first time having sex would be comfortable. I would also tell her about rewarding sex can be!
Yours,
Elyse
Dear Elyse,
I am with a 22 year old and my gf is 18. She refuses to have sex with me When I try to put it in, she freaks out. What can I do to get her to have sex with me?
Yours,
Dying sexless
Dear Dying Sexless,
You have a couple of options. One you can hypnotize your girlfriend into having sex with you. You can also sedate her and then have sex with her. Of course, if you want the relationship to continue I wouldn't recommend these tactics. Instead, i recommend asking your girlfriend how the first time having sex would be comfortable. I would also tell her about rewarding sex can be!
Yours,
Elyse
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