Single and loathing it

Dear Elyse,
I am single and I've been single for what seems like an eternity. I absolutely hate it! Everyone gives me patronizing looks and acts like there must be something wrong with me if I don't have a boyfriend, I feel like I'm behind all my friends who are already having kids, and on weekends I'm stuck watching Law and Order Reruns with my dog. I really want to meet someone but there doesn't seem to be a good way to meet a hottie. I hate bars because they are loud, I hate dating websites because people often mask there true selves, and I've exhausted all possibilities of people I know. The only advice I've received so far is embrace your true self and it will just happen, make out with your cousin, use a vibrator, hire a rape artist to have sex with you, and best of all say to yourself I have a wonderful boyfriend and then he will pop up out of nowhere. Please, you must be able to do better than that.
Yours,
Single and loathing it

Dear Single and Loathing It,
May I suggest concocting a love potion? Just kidding. Please know that you are not the only one who encounters the difficulties of being single that you mentioned: patronizing looks, being placed at the kids table, and having nothing to do on the weekends. The best piece of advice I can give you is not to internalize other people's judgements and assessments of you for being single. You could also bring a fake boyfriend with you to family gatherings in order to counter the nasty steel looks you receive. Know that whether or not you have boyfriend is only one aspect of you . There are many other pieces of your persona: the job you do, the car you drive, how you wear your hair- you get my drift. Also note that there was a study that women who were happily married were happily single first because they didn't rely on a guy to make them happy, all traits about you: whether you are annoying, funny, or caring were still remain regardless of whether or not you land a man. Okay, now for the constructive actions. If you want to meet a man and have exhausted all of the traditional measures here are some other steps that I bet you haven't thought of. Do everything you can to be around people. Instead of watching tv on a Saturday night go read a book at a Barnes and Noble, go listen to a jazz band, or go to a sporting event. At least that way the presence of people won't make you feel lonely. Also, always be friendly and warm and then you are more likely to attract men. In addition, instead of trying bars and dating sites look to your friends and family to meet people as they know you best. Whenever one of those judgmental friends makes a snide remark, say to them, "I'd really like to meet someone do you have anyone in mind." You can even send an email to all of your friends, telling them you are on a quest to meet someone and are determined, do they have anything suggestions. Throw a party for all of your single friends and ask each of them to bring someone along, to increase the likelihood that you will meet someone. Finally , just be real and genuine and comfortable with yourself and you will appear more attractive. Think of dating like improv comedy.
Yours,
Elyse