Dear Elyse,
Like OMG, I don't know what I'm going to do. My friend and I have a habit of text gossiping about this one friend or maybe acquaintance that we poke fun at! I left my phone laying around and now she is pissed about some things we said about her. What should I do?
Yours,
Caught Text Gossiping

Dear Caught Text Gossiping,
First of all, shame on your friend. Uh-hum- she went through your private property! All she really had to do was hand over the phone to you! You know the saying that curiosity killed the cat. Well this applies here. That said, she now knows that you gossip about her! If she does ask you if all the nasty ( I'm assuming) things you said about her are true, simply tell her yes, you bet. If you are willing to say it to her face, that doesn't make you a gossip. of course, she might not want to be your friend anymore but who cares? Clearly, she didn't mean that much to you if all you did was gossip about her, right?

Yours,
Elyse

Dating the mentally ill

Dear Elyse,
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He has always gone through odd patches where he acts differently, erratically. Sometimes he gets very paranoid that the world is out to kill him and other times he hears voices in his head and sees things that aren't there. I always suspected that he had some kind of mental disorder but i didn't want to say anything. He was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia but refuses to take his medication. I really think the meds could help him and its challenging to be around him when he is in his moods. Leave him or not?
Yours
Dating a Schizoid

Dear Dating a Schizoid,
It is understandable that you are concerned about your boyfriend's well being. It sounds like you want the best for him. I would encourage you to learn more about his illness. You can consult with a psychiatrist, read literature. There may even be support groups for partners of the mentally ill. I urge you to consult other resources as I am not an expert on this. In addition, I urge you think about what is best for you. If your boyfriend's illness and his neglecting to take his medication ultimately brings you down and negatively impacts your life, I urge you think about whether or not you want the relationship.
Yours,
Elyse

What are you looking for?

Dear Elyse,
I constantly go on dates with hotties and the guys always ask me what I'm looking for in a relationship. I'm never sure what I should tell them. I don't want to ask for too much for fear that it will scare them off. Help!
Yours,
Answerless on dates

Dear Answerless on dates,
I'm surprised that this is so difficult. Here's the simple answer- you should ask for exactly what you are looking for. Why would you ask for something that won't suit you? If the person says that they can't give you what yoga re looking for you can then decide if you are willing to compromise or you can move on ! People will ultimately respect you more for your honesty and have faith: eventually you will find someone who is able to give you what you desire.
Elyse

Sweet but shy

Dear Elyse,
I'm very shy and have a difficult time meeting men. I'm often at a loss for what to say when trying to maintain a conversation with guys. Often, I end up freaking out and running away from guys who are probably perfectly nice. I really want to meet someone. What do I do?
Yours,
Shy but Sweet

Dear Shy but Sweet,
First, I would try and arrange to meet guys and do activities with them. That way you are distracted by the activity and don't necessarily need to talk to them that much. In addition, let them do the talking. Ask them questions about themselves. Also- I would suggest that you take an Improv Comedy Class. That can help you become more comfortable interacting with strangers.
Yours,
Elyse

Honest is the best policy

Dear Elyse,
I'm currently married for the second time. My wife doesn't want our children to know that I have a child from my first marriage. I think that it is best to be honest with our kids. What is the best policy? How do I convince my wife that it is best for us to be honest with our kids?
Yours,
Honesty is Best

Dear Honesty is Best,
I concur that it is best to be honest with your kids. I think it would be quite disturbing for your kids to find out that they have a half brother/sister when they are twenty-one. I don't believe you can ever force someone to do something. However, I would try to assess where our wife's reservations to introduce your biological child stem from? Is it because she doesn't want you to have contact with your ex wife? Does she not want the kids to hear about divorce? Perhaps you should convince her that there is a way to present the idea of divorce to the kids in a child-centered, loving way.
Yours,
Elyse

Ashamed

Dear Elyse,
I'm currently dating someone who doesn't come from the same socioeconomic group as I do. My family is upper middle class while he is working class When we are together as a couple or with our group of friends it doesn't matter but I'm worried about him meeting my family. What will they think of such a person?
Yours,
Ashamed

Dear Ashamed,
Shame on you! What makes you think that your family will judge him? Your doubts show that you have no faith in your family to be accepting and no faith in your significant other's ability to make a good impression on your family with all of the qualities that you have come to love about him. Get over yourself.
Yours,
Elyse

Long Distance Quandary

Dear Elyse,
My current boyfriend lives 200 miles away from me and we see each other 2 times a month. We have been dating for about 2 months. We met at a convention. Being away from him so often is a constant source of anxiety; I'm scared that he is cheating on me. I'm even contemplating moving .
Yours,
Long Distance Quandary

Dear Long Distance Quandary,
Here is your plan of attack. Install a hidden camera in your sweetie's palace to detect if he is cheating on you . Additionally, I would recommend that you call every girl listed in his cell phone and threaten them. NOT! Given that you only see each other twice a month and you have only been dating for 2 months, I don't think you have reached the point in time when you should consider exclusivity. You need to get to know each other more. Continue to visit your hottie but also continue to attend to yourself and your own needs:girlfriends, hobbies, and your job. Revisit the question of loyalty in another month or so. Do not move! Why would you ditch every support network you have built up just for a guy? Plus, the fact that you are anxious about whether or not he is loyal to you demonstrates to me that you aren't so sure about him.
Yours,
Elyse

Can't be nude!

Dear Elyse,
I'm a very shy person. I'm especially self conscious about my body. I recently started dating an art student who goes to parties where everyone is nude. He would like me to accompany him to the parties but I just can't bring myself to do it.
Yours,
Can't be Nude.

Dear Can't be Nude,
First of all, I would like to commend you for admitting that you are self conscious. One of the underlying reasons that we are self conscious about our body is that we tend to examine our body for flaws and become terrified that others will notice the flaws and judge. Realize that other people do not notice as much about us as we do about ourselves because they too are transfixed with their own flaws. In addition, seeing other people nude will help you realize that almost everybody has irregularities about their body. Some people will even find the so called "flaws" endearing. I would ease yourself into the nude parties by attending one of the nude parties with the caveat that you will leave after about an half an hour. Each time you attend, increase the time you are there. Also have a safety net where you can telephone a friend or relative fi you start to feel anxious or uncomfortable.
Yours,
Elyse

What about me?

Dear Elyse,
I'm 44 years old and single. Most of the men that fall into my age bracket are divorced with kids. I find that the kids often impinge on our time together and crowd the apartment. What about me? Where do I fit in?
Yours,
What About Me

Dear What About Me,
Maybe there is a reason you are still single. Grow up and realize that when you are in a relationship with someone you aren't the only person in your significant other's life. A man's children are a permanent part of his life, he has an immutable bond to his children while you might only be a presence in his life for maybe 2 months. If you want to snag this guy, I would suggest that you honor his commitment to the kids and realize that his dedication to his kids is a marker of good character. Think of how many scumbags don't even acknowledge their children. In addition, realize that there are many positives to dating a guy with kids. Men with kids tend to be sensitive to emotions, aren't likely to fret if you spill something or are messy, and are reinvigorated by their kids. In addition, the time that he spends with his kids affords you the option to go out with your girl friends ( think of how many people in relationships wish they had that luxury). So try and appreciate the time you have alone and also show an interest in his kids as that will go a long way. Good luck!
Yours,
Elyse

Engaged and enraged

Dear Elyse,
I just got engaged and am fully immersed in wedding planning. I just found out that my fiancé hired a stripper for the bachelor party! I am livid and appalled by this. What should I do?
Yours,
Engaged and Enraged

Dear Engaged and Enraged,
Congratulations on your engagement! Let's get the facts straight- your fiancé committed to you for a lifetime and the stripper for one night. So it's obvious where his loyalties lie. In addition the fact that your husband wants to hire a stripper shows that he still has a sexual appetite which is more than you can say about some men. Use the stripper/jealousy angle to spice up your relationship and act out fantasies. And trust me-the night with the stripper means nothing to him or the stripper. Allowing him to have a stripper at the bachelor party demonstrates your resolve, strength, and self esteem.
Yours,
Elyse